Monday, December 21, 2009

the fat man.

So, every year my mom gets this crazy idea that i need to sit on a big fat man's lap, all dressed in red, and begg for more treats.  he's okay n all.  he's got very soft white hands, and a nice fluffy chewtoy dangling from his chin!  this year, i decided to ask the "clause" for my own website...since momma told him i already have a blog.  he laughed at me!  well...paybacks can be deadly...i left him a fartsy present on his nice soft, red lap.

The first photo is courtesy of my mom's advancing photoshop skills.  she wasn't crazy about PetSmart's cardboard backdrop.

Everybody was making fun of me because I wore green.  They all said I should be wearing red.  But my mom and I are one step ahead of the rest.  We know that in red...I'd blend in with the fat guy.  Duh.

my mom was real impressed with PetSmart's volunteer services this year at the Santa boothe.  This woman was crazy!  She kept fixing and primping my sleeve!  Doesn't she know I'm a dog, and I'm supposed to have wrinkles?  This tickled my mom's fancy, and she had to take photos of my personal dress-room assistant experience.  Man...if this is what it takes to be in show business...

Here I am asking "the Clause" for my own website.

 Here I am going in for the big "chew" on the beard.  Okay...I lie.  I was going in for some smooches.  A little "kissing" up to SantaPaws before Christmas never hurt.  Does this make me gay? 

Sunday, December 13, 2009

helloooo, ladies!

My mom made a blog award for all of the ladies out there, just for being a girl!  We don't understand rules for awards just yet, so we don't have any rules attached to this award.  We just want to give it out to all of our "girlfriends" out there in doggie-bloggie world (and those who blog as themselves...human girls that is..).  So grab it up and post away to your blogs!  Happy Holidays my fabulous bitches!

Friday, December 11, 2009's cold outside. usually gets pretty chilly in California by the beach this time of year, but i have NEVER experienced cold like this.  it's still pretty fun though.  mom brought my warm coats and jackets with us in the move, and it felt nice to run around today, while still feeling pretty warm.  with the cold air comes some new fragrances in the air...plenty of smells to keep my nose busy!  the chickens across the street don't wake us up anymore because they went away on a truck one day.  my mom was NOT happy about that.  she's vegetarian and stuff.  but now we have those pesky cows that i like to bark at and mom just adores.  she takes me over each morning to the fence line where they stand around like a bunch of heffers.(haha)  i tell them, "heffers, make sure you understand that this is MY side of the fence, and that is YOURS.  now you stay right there and eat your own grass!"  i swear i saw one of the large ones, fully engaged in chomping on a rather large mound of grass, actually roll his eyes at me!  the nerve of those heffers.

run for joy!

okay, can we go back inside now?

smells in the air.

hello post in the ground.  trip anyone lately?

one leg up for mom's christmas tree.

whew!  stand on hind legs, throw my front legs up in the air, and wave those paws like i just don't care...i  have been BEGGING my mom to log on for me!  but, nevertheless, she has been busy with something called finals?  she is happy when finals are over, but i say it sounds more like death.  you know..."FI-NAL"?

anyway...not much has been going on...well except for the day when my mom jumped up and down, flailing her arms around the house...doing some sort of christmas dance after she peered through the window one day to find our new tree on the porch.  well...that's what she said anyway.  a tree.  but to me, it looked like a long skinny cardboard box that i decided to welcome into our house by lifting my leg on it..yunno...the usual AL-BERT greeting.  "Welcome to my abode cardboard box...I mean...'tree'. "

So I sat on the staircase watching my mom unpack, one at a time, these prickly pieces from the cardboard box, placing one on top of eachother until all that building resembled a giant...well...tree!  The whole time, she plucked and bent the branches, singing along to stuff she must have been hearing through that square device she calls an EYE-PHONE (I don't know why, cause far as i know, it doesn't have eyes).

my mom did a pretty good job putting all that shiny stuff up on there, and right when she plugged it lit up real bright.  i sniffed while admiring the new addition from down at mom's feet and was about to christen it with my special little "Albert" touch, until mom spanked my behind, waved her finger at me, looked me straight in the eye and said..."don't you even think about peeing on my tree!" 

well...i guess that was that.